I can't fucking write. As much as I have feelings to let out.
I can't fucking write. Frustrated. The paragraphs I type end up hi-lighted and backspaced.
I'm sitting here speechless. Maybe that's just exactly how I feel.
Fucking...speechless..
All I want to do is throw-up all this ill mannered feeling I have stuck in my chest and in my head.
When will I let this go?

I dont even know what to write.
Im at a loss for words.
I want to take this heart and make it so it really hurts.
to build the scars for tomorrow, ill have a better today
knowing that things cant possibly get harder.
I 'll make it through, i pray.

:(

There is nothing material in this world that can save me
Just push me aside and get on with your life.
I'm tired of peoples judgements.
I never want to love another
I want to go back to when the biggest fear I ever had was scraping my knee.
Where my mother was the answer to all my problems, and she was everything I'd ever need.
But the older you get the more useless everyone becomes
Because the truth comes out
and I know, that everything has been said and done.
And I hope everyone saves themselves from the pleasures weve come to know
as something so ordinary.

Dragonfly. ( A day at the lakehouse)

The dragonflies kiss the tips of my fingers
where once, the sun used to be.
As I lay on the wooden dock
I look up at the sky while trying to paint
what life really means to me.
& I don't mean you no harm
I don't mean to cause the tears that run down your face
But every word that comes out of my mouth
comes right back to hit me in the face.
If i could take a piece of my heart
and give it to every little dragonfly that comes to visit
I'd be happy to know that out there is a part of me thats free.
& I'd love to take you with me
on a journey with the wind, a journey with my heart.
And together we could be at peace.
And I don't know where I'm going
and I don't know where I am
But I know exactly where I've been
and I know exactly what you've been through.
So I've set our secrets free with every kiss the dragonflies give me
& I hope they take them far away from this place
So we'll never have to look at its face again.
_____________________________

You Remind Me

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I just want you to hold my hand
and tell me that everything is going to be okay.
Please don't take it the wrong way
When I tell you that I'm falling apart

I've been walking this road for as long as I can remember.
The years add up and they become my home.
My story is written well underneath my skin.
It's the same as it was when I was 7.
The skin I played in and the skin I was ashamed in,
is the same that i am standing in today.

Don't we just wish that it was easy.
To just BE HAPPY and believe it.
Forget about your mothers, they can't protect you.
Forget about your brothers they can't really understand what it is that brings you down.

I see my skin.
And I see the same tired hands that gave me this life.
My skin, my heart, my brain.
Theyve been here since day one.
And its going to take alot of rain
to wash my pain away..

Don't we jsut wish that it was easy,
to just be happy and believe it.

Sunday Blues

I look at my shoes and wonder where they will take me next.
I step outside and the raindrops on my glasses
Remind me of when I used to be free.
Rocks, water, grass, leaves.
twigs, worms, dirt, bunnies.

I had my freedom.
I had my health.
I had my youth.


--------------------------
Dear God, who am I?

Dear Sanity

Woke up to a mid-night call, in the hospital hall
My mind was running from me.
and I cried and cried..
Just wishing my mind would stop hurting me..

Blah

Your voice is like dynamite to my ears
and I can no longer hear your words of sorrow and goodbye to the world
& you left, with the silence of unknown intentions.

needs some work

Sometimes when I look at you, I think I'm in love.
& at times I can't help but to stop breathing.
I'm scared because I feel like I've been here before
but it's something so unfamiliar.
Your eyes hold your truths.
You're like a mystery, but I know where you're from &
I know where you've been & I've been there too.
We're different, but I need you
because you've shown me what it's like to die
and you've shown me what it takes to come back to life...
I know this is real, and I know I'm alive
I can hear your heart beating when it's right next to mine.
I want this to last and I'm willing to try
to live, love, and learn until we get it right.
I know we can get it right, I just want to know that it's not going to die..